rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
