PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
