Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
