Apparently you make a good broom.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
