My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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