His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Text me some of your sweat
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize