Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
