The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
