Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
