who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I am spending my child support on dildos
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
