The maid of honor just puked.
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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