She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I am in a vortex of obligation.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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