So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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