Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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