Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
