eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
