Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
