Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
