The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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