I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
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