He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
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