i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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