i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
