This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Randomize
