so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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