??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
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