I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
