I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
