Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Randomize
