nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
