i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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