He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
