toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Sext me about skeletons
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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