R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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