We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
