Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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