There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I wish life had little blips of pornography
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
