omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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