I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
