i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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