Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
