This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
