'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
