also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
areolas are like halos for boobs.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
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