Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
