she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
