Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
