your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
People with herpes should wear stickers.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Randomize
