good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
