She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Is it because I queefed?
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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