Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
