dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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