see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
