You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
