I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
