Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
her vagine was all disorganized.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
His hands were made for my vagina.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
