Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
