I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Woke up backwards on a recliner
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
