I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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