I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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