i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
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