ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Randomize
