I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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