is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
