just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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