I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
The struggles of a small town man whore
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Randomize
