Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
