i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
