Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize