i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
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