Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
