Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
