Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
