Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
