My friends, they love my intelligence
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
