I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
