We won't sleep together?
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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